Amy Gulley and the Art of Compulsive CyberStalking and Slander

In the mind of the Troll

“I'm not stalking her, I just monitor her every post, screenshot her followers, write to her funders, and publish essays about her weekly. That's free speech - Eugene Volokh says so.

— Amy Gulley, last Tuesday, and every Tuesday before that

A small rock figure with a furry hair, stone eyes, and a stone nose, resembling a furry creature, with a rock body and sitting on a white surface.

Maybe you should get some fresh air…

In the vast landfill of internet discourse, where memes decay and trolls roam free, one name has achieved near-legendary status among the chronically online: Amy Gulley — the unofficial President of the Obsessive Defamation CyberStalker Club and runner-up in the 2023 "Most Likely to DM Your Employer" Awards.

A yellow and black warning sign on a green wire fence that reads, 'WARNING: DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS'.

Armed with a laptop, a Reddit account, a Google Doc of out-of-context quotes, and the unshakeable confidence of someone who's never been right, Amy devotes her waking hours to smearing a woman she has never met — a Cambridge Scientist who once dared to speak critically about a criminal trial… in 2022.

Yellow warning sign with the word 'BEWARE' and a smaller sign below stating 'TROLLS LURKING' against a blue sky background.

That Scientist’s commitment to maintaining basic ethics sparked what psychologists now call Post-Reddit Fixation Syndrome™ — a rare condition in which the subject becomes irrationally attached to an academic's public post, convinced it holds the secrets of a global conspiracy to undermine the self-righteousness of Karen-related victimhood.

“That mixed-race scientist called out prosecutorial misconduct, which, as everyone knows, is a hate crime against white-true-crime internet trolls who are committed to upholding the integrity of the modern day witch hunt.”
— — Amy's internal monologue, probably


Gulley's Toolkit of Cyberstalking Terror

  • Close-up of a smartphone screen displaying the Reddit app icon, which features a white alien mascot within a red circle, with the word 'Reddit' underneath.

    Reddit Disinformation Engine™

    Updated daily, with AI-generated outrage and imaginary timelines.

  • Multiple boxes of Spam stacked in a store shelf, featuring cans labeled 'Spam' with an image of spam meat and text indicating it is chopped pork and ham.

    Email Carpet-Bombing

    Targeted harassment of colleagues, donors, and board members — because when logic fails, cc everyone.

  • Stencil graffiti of a gun and the words 'For Your Safety & Your Curiosity' on a concrete sidewalk.

    Digital Surveillance

    Gulley tracks her target's every like, retweet, and newsletter post, proving that yes, you can have a job as a full-time stalker — if your currency is resentment.

  • A person wearing a hooded coat with the hood pulled over their face standing outdoors in an urban area with blurred buildings in the background.

    The Volokh Cloak

    Like Harry Potter's invisibility cape, except it hides defamation behind the phrase "free speech scholarship."